Pondering my "purpose" over the years, I had resigned myself to the plight of being a "seed-planter." I am guided to share information with people that, while they may not accept it at the moment, will later benefit from.. Don't get me wrong. I am grateful to be able to help. My role as "teacher" has just shown up very differently than what I imagined as a little girl. I have struggled when people reacted to the guidance, and I longed for someone to actually recognize where it comes from when, later, they are benefitting from it. Call me human.
In recent years, people have used such words and phrases to describe me as "Light," "Beacon of Light, "Warm," "You shine!" I am grateful for this affirmation, and most certainly for the people who see me this way. Still others have literally said to me, "I just like to watch what you are going to say or do next." (Yes. More than one person has said that to me.) These people are actually no longer in my life. I guess the view got old?
As I consider these experiences and the quite opposite reactions to me, I couldn't help but think of the sun. Depending on the day, the sun can bring welcome warmth or an uncomfortable burn. The sun exists millions of miles away and it's precise distance from the Earth supports all living beings with just the right amount of heat and light. The sun does so many things and yet, we tend to take it for granted most of the time. It must be really lonely to be the sun. Or maybe it's not.
I know, I know. I must think a lot of me to compare myself to the sun. I am not really comparing myself, I am simply understanding. Like me, the Sun is a Light being. A far bigger, more powerful, wonderfully giving Light being, but one, just the same. I resonate with the ideas of wanting to wrap my warmth around others, of having a tendency of burning people, somehow, who spend too much time with me, of a seemingly lonely existence.
Truth is, I don't think the sun is lonely at all. Unlike me, the sun totally understands it's role. It recognizes what purpose it serves, and serves that purpose willingly and graciously. If I really want to be like the sun, I have a lot of work to do. Starting with feeling and accepting my own warmth as there are seeds within me waiting to blossom.
All of this is to say I am not, in fact, the "seed-planter." I now understand that those seeds are already there. My role is more about bringing some warmth and to encourage and support the bloom, in myself , and others.