Updated: Feb 25
On Friday, November 13th, 2020, I was rear-ended waiting to turn into the parking lot at one of my part-time jobs. I have always been a little concerned about stopping on this road. It is only one lane each way and can be pretty busy with traffic. I had been followed pretty closely by a car since I had gotten off of the freeway, so I was certain to make sure this person saw me when I slowed to a stop to wait for oncoming traffic before I turned. I saw in my rear-view mirror that he had stopped, so I returned my focus to the oncoming traffic. I was waiting for one last car to pass, and BAM!
Obviously, I was physically jolted. My body tensed at the impact. And within an hour of the accident I was feeling the results in my neck and shoulders and in my hips and lower back. Mostly just achiness. To start. And the beginning of a long road to physical healing.
Immediately following I was shaky and bewildered. There is this moment when the part of your brain that is simply processing the emotional impact and the "what the hell just happened?" has to catch up with the part of the brain that knows perfectly well what just happened. I knew almost immediately, though, that this accident wasn't a coincidence. I don't believe in coincidences, actually, but in this case, the difference was that I was fully aware that someone was trying to get my attention. I don't really know how to explain it. Some of you may know just what I mean. Others will not. But right away I knew to trust that this incident was BIG and purposeful.
It wasn't lost on me that most of my pain and discomfort was in my lower back, hips, SI joints.
These areas of my body correlate to the root and sacral chakras. I have been aware for a few years that these chakras are sorely imbalanced. I was being forced to focus on these areas. Not just a focus on healing the injuries and pre-existing conditions in my physical body. I had just been hit over the head with the message: YOU NEED TO CLEAR THE ENERGETIC SHIT. AND THERE IS A LOT TO CLEAR!
Even with this clarity I was having around this message, I still found myself wanting to rush the process. I wanted quick results. I was resting and attending regular chiropractic/therapeutic massage appointments. I was doing focused meditations on healing/balancing/clearing my root and sacral chakras. The new year rolled around, six weeks after my accident, I was eager to get back into more exercising. I was feeling lazy and fluffy after the holidays. So, I pushed myself to start a new exercise routine on January 1st. By January 3rd I had to give it up. In January, I ended up laid up for a whole weekend, unable to even get to my chiropractor appointment. I called to cancel, crying. I was crying not because of the pain though I was in a great deal of it. I was crying because I was so pissed off about the pain.
That was really it for me. I realized that I have to create and allow time for myself to heal. To heal physically, but more importantly, to heal spiritually and emotionally. And for me, that meant surrendering. Surrendering to what is. To accept where I am right now.
It's time to embrace deep
healing. Healing that means addressing root causes, familial trauma and patterns, even ancestral trauma and patterns, and releasing that which does not serve me.
The truth is, my body hurts. And so does my heart.